Zines/phrack/13/3.txt

                               ==Phrack Inc.==

                     Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #3 of 10

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\|/                  How to fuck up the world                              \|/
/|\                     Writen 10:03 pm December 2nd 1986                  /|\
\|/              by the Neon Knights and Metal Communications              \|/
/|\  Thanx to the Metallain,Zandar Zan,Marlbro Reds,ACID,The High Lord     /|\
\|/  Satan,Apple Maniac,The Necrophiliac&The Necrophobic (for theri awesome\|/
/|\  dox-file skils),SLayer,Megadeth,Overkill,Samhain,The Misfits (fuck yea/|\
\|/  Hi Glenn!),The Blade,Killer Kurt,and Steve Wozniak even thouhg hes a  \|/
/|\                               wimp!                                    /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
/|\                        Fuck off all niggers jews commusnists retarted  /|\
\|/  arabians peopel who dont own computers and any welfare starving shit  \|/
/|\  headed bastard who doesnt have an Applecat modem!                     /|\
\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/
/|\   Im not even going to write a list of boards for you to call. Well    /|\
\|/    what the fuck I guess I will put at least one.....                  \|/
/|\   Call the Metal AE  (201)-(879)-(666)-(8) for the latest in Neon      /|\
\|/     Knights wares and for a cool board/cool sysop/cool wares/just all  \|/
/|\                          around cool!                                  /|\
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 The Phile itself:

When your like me and get bored eassily its veryt hard to keep fuctiong the way
your parents expet you to. I would go out with Killer Kurt all the time and dest
roy evrything we coiuld find that looked stupid,get drunk off my ass,trip on aci
d(like im doing righ now),use the necronimiconm to summon a watcher to kill my t
eachewrs my douchbag bratty sister and the fat sickining son of a bitch that liv
es next door to me,and my parents would very rarely do anything to try to stop m
e. i gues they just thought i was goin throuhg a phase or sometihg like that. We
ll I finalyl hit upon the perfect combination of things to do that not only get
your parents to reac, the are a hell of a lot of fun and cause so much evil, cha
os, and havoc that Satan will be sure to reservbe a good seat in Hell for you. S
o now Here are step by stpe instructins on HOW TO FUCK UP THE WORLD

Step one:Get.a large supply fo plastics garbage bags, gas or other very flammabl
le shit,and a flamsthrower or somet other way to light fires from a distance (ju
st to make sure you dont die yourself before your ready).Also i forgot to mentio
n,take a good amount of drugs befoere you start doin this so youll be able to fi
nish what you start.I reccommend about three hits of blotter acid (4way album co
ver is best,thats what i use),about 2 grams of weed (smoked),some mescaline if y
ou can get it (arizona is a great place to pick it yourself),and of course the g
ood old american tradition of JACK DANIELS. Most people mix this with coke but I
have invented a new way to do it,which ya do by mixing it with JOLT cola instead
. tHIS (godamn fuckin caps lock key) will get you really goin, you may want to
use some speed as well so you dont pass out and some ludes or other type of down
er just to keep you balancd well. now make sure you can still stand up (once you
get that far the rest will come naturaly) and get in yer pickup (if you dont hav
e a pickup there is no hope for ya!) and drive. Oh remember to take the gas, bag
s, and light with you.

Step two: Drive to a secluded area and preparew for your assault on the armies o
f the conformist bastards. What your gonna be doin here is summoning a demon. Th
is is one of the waeker types according to the Necromnicon so you can control it
easily in your druged state but powerful enouhg to actually be of use to ya. So
draw yer pentagram on the ground,get a Slayer tapepl aying (no motley crue!!! or
the demon will laugh its ass off at you before killing you and eating your soul.
Adn thats a big waste of time  not to mention no fun at all.) set candles at all
cardinal points and cut a long incision down the lenght of your arm about frmo
mid-bicep to just before your wrist as you dont want to bleed to death,just enou
gh to get about 3/4 of a pint or so. Drip all this blood inside the pent.,and ch
ant the following:
       "YOGGIH PPEDRILS, STOWART EHNTAHL SHILGLI DRAGGULS UOHT!"
Say this5 times and you shoukld noteice the candles flikckering (hmm i blieve th
e rrUSH is starting to come on nwo, this sucker relly was worht 40 a sheet!!)! B
y the way that shit up there that ya say is not nay kind of backjwards bullshit,
it is the real stuff. I paid 40 bux for my copy of the youknowwhat so i oughtta
know. now where was i o yeah. Onece the damn thing appears thjen you gotta estab
lish control over it real qiock before it start getting any ideas. by the way in
caser you wodering what it will look like it is a big motherfucker approx. 20 fe
eet tall with green leathery sking. If you get the wrong one it doesnt really ma
tter that much anywayt since youll be dyin soon but it helps. so now get it to f
ly along above yer truck (tell it to be invisible so ya dont have peopl starin a
t ya!) and drive back to whereever it is that your gonna destroy.

Step three: stop back at yer house wreal quick and pick up the follwng. If you d
ont have all this at house then just go by a hardware storte and a drugstore and
picjk it up. if the owner objkects then just take out his kneecaps with your cro
wbar and he wont be goin anywhere for a long time.
30 dozen hammers
50 gallons of paint (asorted colors is nice but not necesary)
(jesus this is weird, have any of you ever seen ther letters on yer screen wiggl
ing and boucing  didnt think so!!) now where was i/
5-10 tanks of propane
100+ gallons of gas (for a seperate use than the gas i alreadyu mentiond)

from the drugstore,or your closet if your like me and keep a constant supply of
every kind of drug ever made):
1,000 doses of pseudoephedrine (there we go,i spelled it right! well ive got the
catalog next to me so fuck it anyway,it doesnt mean shit.neuither does your mama
. i think im getting off track - wel then again it is kind og amazing cause my
ingers are twichin so bad)
5,000 doses of LSD
250 doses of qualudes
600 cases of JACK DANIELS

ok now for the good part. Consume all of these yourself! HAAHAHA! i bet you thou
ght you were suposed to put them in the citys water supply or soething! but now
you better get moving cause this is all gonna take effect within the hour! but i
f ya wanna save some to put in the citywater then go ahead,you wont have quite a
s much fun but who the fuck am i to tell you exactly how to do things.

Step four: Drive to the heart of the city. on the way see how many little old la
dies and fag poodles ya can hit. When ya get to the talest building in town smas
h into a fire hydrant in front of it. now get out and run like a bitch *just hav
e the demon carry all the shit for ya*! and go to the FUCKEN TOP of the building
. here is where you do all this.
Make the demon inhale all the propane, and give him the smaler amount of gas (th
e one I talked about first..go back about 70 lins or so./) to drionk. Now hes al
l set. now YOU have to get on his back. make him carry the hammers and paint and
the largetr amount of gas. Have him take off and fly all over the city aas he fl
ys just throw hammers down at building windows and people and paint at both of t
hose too! Now i bet you thinking i forgot all about those garbage bags and the f
lamethrowr. Hell no i didnt! with the little bit of propane hes got left have hi
m blow up the bags so they make a giant baloon. now you take the big amount of g
as and drink it (after all those other drugs it should be a smnap!) and jump. Wi
th your weight off him and all that propane in him and with that baloon he will
instantly take off straight up into heaven, where he will cause some wicked shit
to happen! As for you, you will fly down and hit the ground, and be goin so fast
that you go right through all the way to Hell. Once you get there all the gas in
you will ingite and BOOM! Satan will be proud of you for sure! a perfect ending
to a perfect day!

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\|/   Keep those credits up there excatly as they are (inother words,puttin\|/
/|\ your K-K00l board up there WONT be tolerated!) or we will fuck you up. /|\
\|/ If ya dont believe us by now your retarted.           -Killer Kurt     \|/
/|\            -And the rest of the 'knights!                              /|\
\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\
/|\          Copywrit 1986 by Neon Knights/Metal Communications/           /|\
\|/                           Black Death/No Love                          \|/
/|\                      We're rad...we kill children!                     /|\
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Oh, and by the way, the above file was a parody by UrLord, Thomas Covenant.