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214 lines
8 KiB
Text
214 lines
8 KiB
Text
==Diet Phrack==
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Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 3 of 11
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I n L i v i n g C o m p u t e r
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~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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"Knight Lightning meets... The Man"
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Adapted from "In Living Color" on Fox Television Network
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Starring Knight Lightning
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Featuring:
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__________________________________
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| KL = Knight Lightning |
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| SP = Judge Dredd |
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| CD = Crimson Death |
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| DP = Dispater |
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| JD = Jerome Dalton (Bellcore) |
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| DB = David Bauer (AT&T) |
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| TM = The Man... you'll see! |
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|__________________________________|
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+ Picture the scene...
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A computer conference in Chicago, Illinois.
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KL is speaking with several members of the computer underground...
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KL: "The whole concept is based on freedom of information. People should
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share information, because sharing benefits everyone."
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CD: "That is what my board, Free Speech, is all about. Want some c0dez?"
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SP: "Hey Knight Lightning! Do you want to write for my *elite* newsletter,
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NIA!?"
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KL: "I don't think so... KL don't play that!" (At this point KL whips out a
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large two-by-four and clunks Judge Dredd and Crimson Death on the head for
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daring to suggest something so ridiculous). Bop! Bop!
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Meanwhile, watching closely from a short distance stood two men in dark suits
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and dark glasses. It was Jerome Dalton and David Bauer from AT&T Security.
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DB: "See over there, that's KL. He would be perfect."
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JD: "Yes I see. Perhaps we can persuade him to come aboard."
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A few minutes later as Knight Lightning nears the exit, he is approached by
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Bauer and Dalton.
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JD: "Excuse me a moment KL... we'd like to discuss some business with you."
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KL: "What the hell do *you* want?"
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DB: "Well KL, with all of these hackers acting like they have civil rights, we
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need some help over at AT&T Security to really bust them. We want you to
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come work for us."
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KL: (Gripping his two-by-four tightly and tensing to swing)
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"KL don't pl..."
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JD: "The job pays $1,000,000 a year!"
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KL: "...have a problem with that." ($ $ $ $ $ $)
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DB: "Congratulations KL and welcome aboard. You made the right decision."
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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+ One week later...
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Dispater of Phrack Newsletter spots Knight Lightning, Jerome Dalton, and David
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Bauer coming out of a security meeting with the Secret Service.
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DP: "KL! Hey, what are you doing with those guys? Look I need to get some
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advice about running Phrack."
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JD: "Oh no you don't! KL don't play that no more!"
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The three of them walk past Dispater...
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DP: "You're not KL the hacker..." (tears in his eyes) "You're KL the FED!"
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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Did Knight Lightning SELL OUT the hacking community for money!? Has he become
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a "FED"? To find out the answers to these questions and more, keep reading!
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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+ The scene is Cherry Hill, New Jersey... AT&T Headquarters, where the entire
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country and the United States government are secretly run by "The Man."
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DB: "We're very glad to have you here. Without your presence in the hacking
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community, they'll fall apart any day now. That's why we had our friends
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at Bellsouth single you out and falsify the costs and nature of that E911
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document."
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JD: "Right. But none of that is important now that you are here with us. I
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guess you finally realized that since we at AT&T run the entire country,
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it was futile to continue opposing us."
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KL: "Yeah. It was the only decision that made sense at this point. So when
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do I get to meet 'The Man'?"
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DB: "In time KL, in time."
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JD: "You don't get to meet 'The Man' until we're sure you are a total
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sellout."
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KL: "Oh. Well AT&T is the greatest corporation in the world."
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DB: "C'mon KL, you can do better than that... most of America is already
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brainwashed into believing that..."
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KL: "All computer hackers are scum and don't deserve any civil rights, we
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should seize all their computers and lock them up for ten years each."
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JD: "and..."
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KL: "and... Bill Cook is a great humanitarian, an honest man who never was
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malicious, everything he did to me and many others was totally reasonable
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and necessary."
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WHOOOOOOOOOSH! (A giant door at the other end of the room swings open.)
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DB: "You did it KL! You have totally sold out!"
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JD: "Its time for you to meet 'The Man.'"
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After a short round of applause and a high-five, Knight Lightning walks towards
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the door and enters the room. He stares across a great desk where a large
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chair is turned so that its occupant is facing the other direction.
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TM: "Come in KL. Its time that we met."
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KL: (Steps closer to the desk)
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TM: (Swinging around to face KL) "Well, well, well Knight Lightning."
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KL: "Well, well, well, The Man; Robert Allen, Mr. Establishment himself."
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TM: "That's enough KL. I have BIG plans for you!"
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KL: "Well, I really like what you did to Len Rose."
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TM: "That is just the beginning! What I have in mind is for you to get us
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information on every hacker in America. Then we'll fabricate some more
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dollar figures, like on that E911 text file and login C, and create some
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logs that show them breaking in to some of our systems. Maybe we'll even
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let a few service outages happen just so we can blame it on them (we screw
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up enough times by ourselves anyway). Then we'll use our massive
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influence over the government to make sure the prosecutors find every
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potential law they can to use against them and the next thing you know,
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all these hackers will be behind bars where they belong."
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"What do you think of all that, KL?"
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KL: "I'm listening..."
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TM: "Now before you can become an official member of the AT&T Security
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Establishment, it is customary to drop your pants and bend over in front
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of The Man."
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KL: "Drop my pants and bend over?"
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TM: "Yes... every person at AT&T and Bellcore security has undergone this
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ritual."
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KL: "Well Bob, I'll tell you what I think... here is a new ritual for you to
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consider..."
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(A sudden and exhilarating display of ninja-like maneuvers with the magic
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two-by-four was followed by the loud and all too familiar sounds!):
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"*BOP!* *BOP!* *BOP!*"
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(KL had slammed Robert Allen for plotting such injustices).
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"KL don't play that!"
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"You thought you had me working for you, but really I was just playing
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along as part of my secret plan to *BOP!* The Man. You stink!"
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TM: "You fool, you don't know what you've done. You've just made the biggest
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mistake of your life!"
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KL: "Yeah, maybe, but I hold my principles higher than your money can ever
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buy. What you do here is criminal and if the government won't crawl out
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from under its rock and say something then I will!"
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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+ A few days later at the next 2600 meeting in New York City...
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DP: "I knew you would never really sell out, KL."
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KL: "Yes, you see I had to pretend so I could get to The Man."
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SP: "Oh, so does that mean that you'll come back and write for NIA now?"
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CD: "If money is not so important let me have that $1,000,000 they gave you."
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KL: "KL don't play that!"
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(Again KL whips out a large two-by-four and clunks the foolish Judge Dredd
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on the head for daring to suggest something so ridiculous.
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He missed clobbering the frightened and cowering Crimson Death again,
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because in a moment of panic, CD chose to retire from the community and
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instantaneously disappeared, leaving only his nose-ring behind.)
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*BOP!*
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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